The softness.

I’ve had many different seasons of motherhood. Motherhood is not a static thing, though I think in the beginning, I thought it was. (Silly me.)

There were the purely physical times—kids fighting over me, touching me always, sweaty baby wearing, milky times. Those were beautiful and incredibly challenging.

And there are the more recent times of kids going to different schools or being homeschooled, in and out of the house, me as a driver, myself more often away from the home, more space and somehow more to do, all at once.

And in this trying time, we have come back to each other. Dinner in the evenings, movie nights, listening to Harry Potter, watering the garden. My heart feels broken for the world, full of questions, and full of love, all at once.

I love is the new softness in Isaac, my Little Bear. If at all possible I lie down for a half hour in the early afternoon lately, and he often comes and lies beside me. He daydreams while I nap, or tries on my glasses, and when I wake to my alarm, the first thing I do is hug him, and he hugs me back. We like being together. We all drive each other crazy, and we cover the crazy with love. This is now.