It begins.
Traveling alone is strange. I often feel sure I’ve forgotten the kids in the bathroom, but no, it’s just me here, standing alone in the line for security. Quiet. It’s pretty blissful, though traveling with my family is more fun. I still play the same games, just by myself. Like “Guess where that person is from and try to sneak a peek at their passport to see if you are right.” And sometimes people befriend me, like the woman on the Bangkok public bus yesterday, who walked with me to find a taxi after Google failed me and told me the bus stopped on the freeway. (It doesn’t).
I’ve begun my month of journeying alone, mostly down the west coast, guiding meditation and devotion circles. I’m over the moon about it. Today I get to spend an evening and night in Seoul, and I’ve never been there before. So excited.
On the plane, I find that I’m already a little disconcerted by the fact that I can eavesdrop so easily when people are speaking English. I understand Thai quite well now, but I still have to turn that part of my brain on, if I want to eavesdrop. And even if I do, the people speaking Thai will probably not be talking about Trump. More likely they’re sharing their plans for dinner. Ah. Deep breath, back into the gorgeous continent where so many unspeakably beautiful things have happened in my life. Back into eavesdropping without trying, weirding people out by standing too close or being too friendly.
I’m looking at this next month as a sort of pilgrimage. I need to detach myself from the organism of my family, find a little bit more of Rae, come back to them a little more sure of my place in the family of God. You know how it is, we all get tired, maybe a bit lost, especially as everyone talks a mile a minute and is a teen or preteen or four-year-old. I haven’t been the best mother lately. My family life is very full of the most gorgeous things, but I’m happy to be able to be in the silence for a while, and then I’ll dive straight back into their arms, because they mean more to me than any other thing. Even the bravery of this journey is good. I get used to being flanked by all these people in their gorgeous, quirky forcefulness, and forget that I can actually be worth something alone. “Are you sure you want only me?” I want to say, when someone invites me out for something. “You don’t want the cute ones? Or Chinua to play music?” But no, they are asking me, and I am venturing out on my own.
To be alone. To be together. What a life we all have been given. I hope you’re feeling blessed in yours today.