On pushing back hopelessness

"There is neither a proportional relationship, nor an inverse one, between a writer's estimation of a work in progress and its actual quality.  The feeling that the work is magnificent, and the feeling that it is abominable, are both mosquitoes to be repelled, ignored, or killed, but not indulged."

"I do not so much write a book as sit up with it, as with a dying friend. During visiting hours, I enter its room with dread and sympathy for its many disorders.  I hold its hand and hope it will get better."

Both quotes are by Annie Dillard in The Writing Life

You could say, that's how Rae's doing right now.  She's working, trying to ignore insecurity or wild hopes and just write.

Also: We are having a retreat right now, with a few dear friends.  It's been wonderful.

I've just had a plan that was in the works seriously crushed. I'm trying to remain positive but I'm feeling really down about it. Sluggishly moving through the day.

I miss my parents.

I've been working on the same post for four days, and even today I didn't have it ready. I have nothing, I am empty, I am curled at the base of a tree like a little fern frond, just huddled and waiting.  I expect that good things are around the corner.

Really, I'm the blestest of girls, really, really. But sometimes down is just down.