A break

So much is going on in my life. I have deleted more than I have written this morning.

I think that what is going on is this: I have struggled, as all mothers do, with balance in my life. And I have juggled with being a writing mother. So, for a while, I just gave myself up to the motherhood part, and that's kind of what the last post was about. Just give in, I tell myself, and when I do, I'm happy.

But there are certain kinds of things that I can't do with my kids. My art and writing fall into that category, and I know that I'm not supposed to give them up. When I try to start mixing them back in, though- look at my novel again, get up with the light to write- things start happening to make me discontent with mothering again. Would you just give me a MINUTE, I find myself saying. My thoughts are elsewhere. I have not figured out how to compartmentalize this.

But I know there must be an answer. So while I was driving, the other day, an idea came, as all good ideas do come, when the trees are moving by in a rush. I need to listen. All my writing writing writing, and my talking talking talking sure do make a lot of mind noise.  I need to listen, to purposely spend a chunk of time listening to God. He is, after all, the one who made me with these desires. And then he gave me some kids. And so, there it is.

I am picking up my writing life anew. I want to write here with renewed effort, and pick up that dang novel and build a house around it. But first I am taking some time to listen, to hear what it is that I need to know, to pursue this life in the way that I want to pursue it. I know that I want to be with my kids in this stage in their lives. I know that I want to teach them. Now I need to know how to carve out a writing path for myself as well, or at least how to feel about the difficulty of that.

So I'll take a little break from writing in this blog. I need my writing to be internal while I'm listening, I need to be recording what I'm hearing, writing a plan, shutting up long enough to be spoken to. It probably won't be long, maybe just a couple of weeks.

Do you know of any good books I could be reading right now?