Well, do you, Giraffe?

I feel like my hands have been cut off and I know I am making a fairly melodramatic statement in saying this. I've been grumpier than a bear after his long winter nap today, and I think it all boils down to two things. Maybe three.

One: I had to send my computer off to get fixed today. This is major. I've been putting it off for many months because my computer is my portal into the writing world. With it, I am unstoppable. Without it, I am unglued, falling apart, snapping at everyone and imagining total failure and defeat for myself and my whole family, since without my contribution of money from my future published novels, no one will be going to college, not even Chinua and I once we are in our forties and fifties and the kids are out of the house. This may be a little extreme, I know. But I just can't describe to you how my life has changed since I've had my little laptop. And it really is sad that it is sick. It's not like having a sick child, but maybe a sick pet. It's in God's hands, though, really, whether or not my laptop will be healed.

Right now I am writing in the office at the Land, on my office computer. It is all wrong for many reasons, the chief one being that people are in and out of here singing and wrestling and whistling and thumb wrestling and blowing their noses all the time. "In your office" you may ask. Yes. It's ridiculous. You don't have to tell me that. We're working on it, is all I can say. So, when I'm writing here, I simply have to stop every few minutes or so to say, "No I don't have a pen, and no you can't borrow it." It may be a test from the Lord: Will I or will I not lend people my pens?

Two: Another reason that I believe I am grumpy is because my parents came for a wonderful weekend, and now they're gone. It's always like this. I get irritable and crazy with impatience and can't figure out what on earth is wrong until I realize: Oh. I'm sad. Because I miss my family. That makes sense. Having my parents here is like going back in time a bit, to when I was carefree and truly Canadian (meaning I lived in the country of Canada) and I am a kid and they love my kids and everything feels special and wonderful. And then when they leave I feel like I have to go back to being the mom and it's my job to make things special and wonderful, and I'm not sure if I'm up to it. Someone asked me today, "Does it feel good to have such cool parents?" It does.

Three: I'm grumpy because everyone around me is completely and utterly annoying. Or, maybe that's another way of saying: I'm grumpy because I'm pregnant. I'm kidding really, I have amazing people around me. I just have a slight chemical imbalance.

All of this can't change the fact that God has blessed me with adorable and wonderful children. I realized today that I really like to be with them. They're great. Other than the fighting, they're so peaceful. Oh, and the never-ending bumped head/face/nose/eyeball that has the YaYa Sister in tears. She's entering new realms of adventure without having the physical competence she needs to come out unscathed. It's not a problem, if you don't mind having your guts twisted out with sympathy and your ears ringing from the crying.

I'm used to this, though. So when Kid A asked his toy giraffe, with all sincerity, when he was getting undressed to get ready for bed, "Do you wanna see me naked, Giraffe?" Chinua and I were splitting our sides laughing, thinking that Kid A is the best thing in the whole world. And the fact that YaYa has finally learned how to kiss with the kissy smacking noise included, and that she does so in long sequences on my cheeks, well, this is divine. So sumo wrestling in the office and even having my hands cut off can't get me down.