Some days I wake up with dread already smoldering in my heart. It feels like I have too many things to do, and perhaps the baby was up a lot and I slept through the alarm, so it's later than I want it to be and the gun has gone off but I'm fifty meters behind all the other runners. The dread fills me until even when my children look at me I know that I haven't been doing enough for them/with them and I'm now one hundred meters behind and still haven't started moving. I snap at them because I've already failed them. My legs are weighted, like they are when you are running in a dream and you can't get anywhere, no matter how hard you try.
Everything I see reminds me of something I should have done already. Dishes in the sink from the night before. Weeds in my garden, (how did I let it get like that?) Lego on the floor, laundry not yet put away. Words not written in my novel and when will I find the time now that everyone is awake?
This morning was like this, until I sat down with my journal and threw myself an alternate scenario. It turned my morning, my day, my life around, and I thought I'd share it with you.
This is the truth: I get up, step out of bed into another morning-- the sun has risen into another day in the world. Jesus has made this day, God is in the world, now and forever. I am a friend and servant of the Creator, I step into the day murmuring prayers and breathing the life that is evident from the moment I open my eyes.
I look around and see the small kingdom that God has given me in the newness of this morning. Birdsong in the eaves of my house, in the trees around me, white flowers on the ground. This, my home, is a place of peace and blessing. There will always be more to do, more to accomplish, but I am the guide for my family- into peace, creativity, blessing.
This is far beyond lists and my own bad timing. This is far beyond sleeping through the alarm. I am alive to the wonder of God. He is with me--my heart open and ready. God leads me in peace when my heart would become a frantic little mouse. God speaks spacious words when my mind would entangle me.
This is what lifts me out of the choking hold of mere tasks and into the calm of serving. Stooping to clean the floor, washing circles in peace. None of it is meaningless, none of it is too late. God sings to me, sings over me, and I do my work in the light of his tenderness. Kindness is paramount, praise falls from my lips.
This, this is a morning.