1. Nothing. You're perfect. I love you. I will never stop reading your blog. Unless I run out of time, which I usually do. I'm sorry about that. Do you forgive me?
2. I suppose if you only blogged about your butcher shop, I wouldn't read much. Unless you had really good taste in aprons and your butcher shop was in a village in Italy.
3. But wait, why are you listening to me? Do you believe I'm an expert on one of the world's newest forms of communication? I'm not. Don't believe anything I say.
4. Next you should read my other lists: 10 things that will get me to put your letter straight back in the mail with RETURN to SENDER all over the front of it, and 10 things that will make me spraypaint your house with cheese. You have a lot of power over me.
5. Just now, I saw a man limping down the street with 10 cats on a board on his head. No, I didn't but he would have something to blog about, wouldn't he? I would read his posts.
6. A true thing is that a girl really did just offer me a piece of jackfruit, and I tried it. And then I saw a butterfly float past.
7. Wait, back to the list. I'll stop reading your blog if you say you're going to write a list about something and your list turns out to be completely unrelated to the topic at hand.
8. If you make up arbitrary internet rules.
9. If you write too much about your cats, and if you don't write about your cats enough, if you write too much about your kids and if you don't write about your kids enough. If you're different from me. If you write with photographs, if your posts are too wordy with no pictures, if your posts smell like garlic breath.
10. Actually, none of this applies. See numbers 1 and 3.
The only nugget of wisdom I really have to offer about blogging won't promise success or money or chocolate. Do you still want it? Here you go:
Notice lots of things, notice everything. Make up stories in your head. Never stop paying attention. And write about your day. You can write about anything you want, no one can tell you not to.
I've been writing this blog for almost seven years, and this is what I have from it: friends, a book I wrote, and a lot of words that I'm so glad I put somewhere, because otherwise I would have forgotten all the tiny ridiculous things that happened. And I'm glad that there weren't so many rules spread around the interuniverse when I started out, because it would have made me shrivel up like a snail in salt.
So, ignore everyone. Write whatever you want.