Classic warrior Solo pose. (Shot by Leafy)
Today I'm teetering. A friend asked me how I am doing emotionally lately, and my answer was that I am always on the edge. Always walking a tight wire. I am careful. I stack the odds with plenty of sleep, with prayer, with knitting, with writing, with good food and calls to friends. I am careful of what I eat. But the abyss always seems to be yawning beside me.
The other day I had one of those days. I felt that I wasn't being the best parent, that surely someone could do a better job than me. Perhaps there was a family member or friend nearby who wanted to have more fun with them than I could, that day?
But no, I am far away.
I took the kids to the park to seek peace. A young group of Nepali mothers and soon-to-be mothers pulled out their camera phones and started snapping away as the kids and I sat on a bench. Noooo! I thought. Not now! Not when the blackness is roiling around my ankles. No attention, please!
But I remembered what I have learned from living in Asia. When you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I pulled out my camera and took photos of my own. A little while of this and a few snuggles with a tiny six-month-old and I was feeling a lot better.
And the kids had worked a lot of that crazy energy off.