close to Toronto
we are visiting the family on my side.
Snow everywhere, piles of it just waiting
but we have no snowsuits
because we live in California.
I remember snow, I remember freezing
I remember mascara running off of my thawed eyelashes
on the bus, the fourteen year old embarrassment.
I am nauseous and pregnant now
but I remember my thin gawky body covered in overcoats that were too big
as I sit in this parking lot,
covered in snow
on a New Year's Day
that somehow snuck up on me
like this pregnancy, like being an adult,
like my children growing up away from the snow.