(Having written the crud out of my system and having been deeply encouraged by your response, and having gained some insight into my emotional state, I say: It's done. It's finished! I will give no more energy to this! It's time for life!)
There are ten thousand beautiful things surrounding me, visible and invisible-- I shuffle along in their midst, the days trickle in and out with a cloud of joy, children are always laughing around me.
The joy of service, the service of love, the fact that love can cover and comfort and remove those black marks that end up covering our bright blue skies.
Christmas, the lights, the making of gifts and cards and my children are writing books and I am free. There is love, there is wonder, there is love. I can't say enough about it, it is the kind that will welcome us home. Birth, rebirth, the shooting star wonder of Life entering the world-- we turn our heads with tears in our eyes, look back when we can to see blinding hope.