The Query Letter I *Didn’t* Write
Dear Agent,
I have a super fantastic book that I wrote, and I think it will make us both rich and famous! LOL! There are a few reasons that I think this.
1. Because you are totally awesome, obviously, I read your website and it sounds like you are the most awesome person on the planet! LOL!
2. Because my husband really likes the book. He told me he couldn’t put it down. And you should know that my husband isn’t the type of husband that would say that it was good just because I wrote it. He’s actually a really picky person. Really picky, and he’s totally honest, too. So if he says he likes something, HE REALLY LIKES IT! LOL! For example, when we were trying to pick a title, he told me that if I said the word “landscape” one more time, he was going to throw me out the door. Landscape. Landscaaaaape. Sounds good to me, but I trust my husband! Did I mention that he’s in this really cool band?
Anyways,
3. Because my friend Renee likes it and sometimes she calls me to read a line she really likes to me, and then I’m all, “Why did you like it?” because I really like to talk about it. I’m like that with writing, but not with cooking, because when I cook and people like it, I’m all embarrassed and stuff. And I made a cake the other day and people liked it and one person said I should totally start a cake business, and it was SO EMBARRASSING. But I like it when Renee reads paragraphs that she likes to me.
What have I been doing for the last few years? Well…. I’ve been doing lots of stuff, like cooking (I already said that) and sometimes I go for a scooter ride in the jungle, and I have this blog that’s just amazing, you should totally read it, and I take care of my kids and then sometimes I write down funny things they say! I read all the time! And I do a lot of laundry. I also homeschool my kids. And I know a lot of people from all around the world.
Is that a good biography?
Okay, so… think about it. Let me know in the next day or so, because this offer’s hot and you’d better jump on it! LOL!
All my love,
Rachel xoxoxoxo
13 comments
There’s only one thing to be said for this: LOL!
We’ll be remembering you and hoping for you that this is published -that you makes lots of money with it! You’ve worked hard on it, I know, and I agree that if you husband likes it, then it is certainly very good. I’m sure Renee is a good critic as well. I can’t wait to read it also.
oh come on, what agent could say no to THAT?
flutter´s last blog ..Wishbone
I think it is a most excellent letter and should go out to all the top notch publishers. You sound fun and exciting. LOL YOu do though.
Tj´s last blog ..What is Love?
I cracked up every time I saw “LOL!” You’re funny. SO FUNNY! LOL!
Lisa´s last blog ..He insists on calling them "sunglasses"
A totally awesome biography!
who ever doesnt like it is…….strange
I think that there are some things missing from my biography, like an MFA degree. Oh well.
The power of LOL…may it take you far!
Maybe the reason I never get positive responses (or any response, a lot of the time) to my query letters is my lack of LOL and !!! I am learning so much from you! LOL!
edj´s last blog ..Still Saturday
Can you also ask them to hurry up and get it published? I need to read this sucker ASAP.
Sarah´s last blog ..Terrible, Horrible, No Good , Very Bad Situation
this seems to be just perfect as it is. and i want to read your book. so when can we?
mamie´s last blog ..Hail to the Olympics
Can’t wait to buy the book and gobble it up
lagata´s last blog ..Love the view
As follower of your beautiful blog, I appeal to you… Please self publish through lightning source. We would be able to order you book in less than two months time through amazon. I know, as a writer, self publishing has a negative stigma. I am confident that you will sign on with an agent quickly. I am confident that they will sell it to a major house with the utmost of expedience. I then believe that they will get it out into the market as soon as possible. This all will take around two years, and I know its a virtue, but patience is not my best quality!
kim´s last blog ..back in the saddle again…..
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