This is my 800th post.
That’s a lot of talking that I do on the internet, although I’ve been silent a lot recently.
Silent. Hmmmm. I’m entering a new stage of culture shock that I like to refer to as “I have no connection with the rest of the world” stage.
Is there a rest of the world? Or is there only my veggie stall and coconut grove and small dirty market in the middle of nowhere? I’m inclined to think the second in my heart. But I know there is a rest of the world in my mind. So I’ll go with MIND rather than EMOTION. The world is round, it’s been shown.
Sometimes when I think of writing I wonder if I am standing on the edge of a floating carpet on the sea throwing words into the wind. They blow back at me and stick to my face like cobwebs. I know it’s not true, but I feel separated from everything outside of this little square I’m standing on. Do you feel that way?
I want to endeavor to keep throwing words out there, so I’ll post snippets and lists, photos and sentences, mostly everyday for a while. Just to get over myself.
So here is a question for you. Do you ever belatedly add something to your “to do” list, just so you can cross it off, after you’ve already done it? I do. I just did. There are all sorts of ways to pull yourself out of being overwhelmed.
I’m sorry that I write so much about being overwhelmed. I think it is my normal state of being.
It may be the seventeen-month-old climber/run-away/dog-lover (this one is really challenging in a country with a lot of street dogs)/rock-eater. He is so beautiful and so exhausting.
Whoops. Sad post/happy post/sad post/happy post.
So I’ll end this by linking to a couple of happy things.
The first is happy/sad. This is a friend of a friend with her family in Haiti, doing what she can with what she has in a little space that she occupies. That’s what we have, right? I like how she is feeding thirty people everyday with a single burner. Challenging, my friends, challenging. This is their website. Thanks, Rebeca, for the link.
The second is happy/musical. A new Turbans video! (My Superstar Husband’s band) Here you go. Enjoy.
18 comments
Keep throwing words. They may fly back and stick to your face, but they also blow away from you and stick to me. I found you through another friend, and your words resonate within me again and again. I play with words too, and I’ve been amazed at how you sometimes articulate a truth I feel, so poignantly. Keep throwing words, friend, you never know where they land and what beautiful thing grows from them.
Your words minister and encourage us, Rae. Keep them coming. Jesus is using you and them to show us Himself and His world. This blog is a place of nourishment for me!
***
You should have seen my Monday list. By evening half of it was the “added” section. It does give one a sense of having accomplished something, but, really, sometimes you can’t know what you really are supposed to do in a day until it’s there facing you. It helps me keep perspective that those added things are as integral to a real day as the planned ones!
Love to you in Christ from the other side of the world,
Katie
I’m sorry I’m not well versed in the Bible, because the image that came to my mind is someone Jesus spoke of sowing seed in different kinds of soil, with different results. Not all seed bears an abundant harvest.
Rae, the words you are throwing into the wind, they are landing in my mind. Just as you feel your world consists of just what you can see, I feel the same way. But I have this little seed of thought of a place in India planted in my mind. When it is dark , dreary and cold; when I’m craving the sun and a different life altogether, that tiny little seed grows.
Oh and CONGRATULATIONS on your 800th post.
That is quite an accomplishment!
When you share that you are overwhelmed it helps me to know that you are like me — someone who is not perfect, someone who needs Jesus every day. If you could live in India, home school your kids, hang on to your baby, cook, clean, wash clothes, make friends, travel etc…. and not feel overwhelmed at times (or all the time!), it would be impossible to relate to you and for me to think, “I could do that with my family — it might be hard, but not impossible and in a lot of ways wonderful.” And when you share your joy and thankfulness in the midst of your struggles it helps me to look around me and see all that I am thankful for too. I think you have a good balance and I appreciate so much that you share your words with me, a total stranger.
Amy´s last blog ..Dreams and parachutes
I’ve done that list thing Rae. A good mantra is ‘this too will pass’. Rearing children is a full-time job. Daily ask God for the grace to do all that HE requires, and for the wisdom to know the difference. As you have opportunity, read Elisabeth Elliot’s books. Might I suggest beginning with A Path Through Suffering and also Discipline, the Glad Surrender. Wonderful, wonderful, life changing and Bible based. She, via her books, has been a most excellent teacher to me– a spiritual mother who taught me things only an older wiser woman could teach a younger woman. Hopefully, I now am an older wiser woman passing on some help to a beautiful daughter of the Beloved.
I laughed out loud when I read about the list part. Of course I do that too as well as live in an overwhelmed state most of the time and feel isolated from the rest of the world. My understanding now on the isolation is that we are all really islands,contrary to Donne. People come by and visit from time to time and drift away, others stay and we can sit and smile and converse and enjoy their company and yet we are still quite separate you know. The only one who really is part of us, is Him. He takes away the isolation and we give Him legs and hands and eyes to see. Did that make any sense? I am never quite sure.
oh, man! i totally add things after i do them just so there are things crossed off! i thought i was the only one… isnt that always how it goes, though?
we are never the only ones.
jen´s last blog ..new moon
You should see your dad right now – talk about being overwhelmed! That’s not to belittle your being overwhelmed, because I stand in awe of all that you do and accomplish on a daily basis. Give yourself a cheer, because you’re pretty amazing.
I like the belated adding to the “to do list” – because I’ve done that also. It does make one feel better after checking it. Here’s something else to do – put all sorts of silly things on it, like “get up”, brush my teeth”, or “make myself coffee” and then you have lots more to check off.
Lots of love,
PS I loved the Turban Band – they are great! When are they going to do a CD?
Congratulations on the 800th post – that too is an amazing accomplishment – you stuck with it, you wrote even when you did not feel like it, and you’ve done well.
Hi, there. I haven’t been around much or commented lately… but hi.
Of COURSE I do the add something just so I can cross it off thing because, usually, I’ve been working for some time before I even get around to making a list, and that has to count! BUT do you ever make a long list and, after working through quite a few items, make a new list, just so you can look at a small list, especially if you have to lay the list aside and come back to it another day? Or is that only my alternate nutty strategy? These days, truth be told, I just write lists and lose them in the chaos…
Anyway, congratulations on your 800th post. I enjoy your thoughts, from wherever you are.
When you were describing your part of the world, my mind went to my little dirty market and daily treads when I was overseas. At the time I felt sometimes so isolated, sometimes on the cutting edge of adventure…. now that I”m back here. I think nostalgically about life “way out there” and I sigh…. life seems so Canadian “normal” here. Which is good but it’s funny how when I was over there, I longed for here. Now that I’m here I long for there. What’s a girl to do with her heart?
I love your writing. Thanks for posting about your life, your walk, your ups and downs. I look forward to coming to your blog !
The Confused Foreigner´s last blog ..Hope for the Helpless, Rest for the Weary, and Love for the Broken heart
I’d be overwhelmed just living in India and can’t even imagine what living in India AND homeschooling four kiddo’s AND all of the other stuff (including writing) must feel like. The MIND map should be good to steer by – EMOTIONS are too fluid at times.
Congratulations on #800! I’m new to your blog but I’ve gone back and read all 800! It’s my very most favorite blog ever! I’m having a bit of withdrawal now that I’m all caught up and can’t read 10 posts at a time.
I’m so glad that you write about feeling overwhelmed because it helps me feel normal. People don’t seem to admit to feeling that way very often. And yes, I definitely add stuff to the list just to cross it off. I like the idea of adding things like brushing your teeth and making coffee to the list. How often do we work so hard changing diapers and making lunches and picking up toys all day just to feel at the end like we haven’t accomplished much? I may just try that…
I do that with my to do lists as well. Make sure to write “Make list” as the very first thing, just so you can have the satisfaction of crossing something off right away.
Can totally relate to the climbing, running away, dog lover, only mine is 22 months and we’re in Mexico. Fun. (I say fun only partly sarcastically; mostly, we’re loving it.)
And thanks for sharing the link to Shelley and Corrigan. She and the four kids were evacuated today; Corrigan stayed behind to continue what they’re doing. Her heart is there, but I think it will be good for her to have a rest, AND they will expidite the kids’ adoptions if they are here in the US. She might be here a month and I can’t wait to see her.
Much love to you. I really hope that, one of these years, we will make it to India, and to you. Love.
and congrats on 800 posts! Keep writing. :>
Rebeca´s last blog ..Welcome to Mexico
How fun! I know Shelly and Corrigan Clay! I attended the Seattle Vineyard with them. I had heard they were in Haiti. Thanks for the video link. As always, I love to read your posts. Sad or happy (or both).
I think everyone feels overwhelmed from time to time, many of us often. We get even more overwhelmed when we make the mistake of thinking that we’re the only one who feels like this, and that everyone else has it all together.
In truth, we’re all doing the best we can, with what we have. We’re all just making it up as we go along. That’s how it will always be. Sometimes that looks to other people like we have it all together, even though on the inside we feel we’re constantly sinking, and sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve seen you overwhelmed, and only known it because I know you well enough to see the signs. But it would be invisible to a lot of people, because you carry on anyway.
You may feel weak, but you are strong. Remember, endurance only comes by pushing your limits over and over again, and you are. You are stronger, and you are trying harder things, and you are never ceasing to grow. I suspect you only feel overwhelmed because you are trying to look to the end of the road, rather than simply focusing on the next step. Just do the next thing my love, that is always enough.
I love you.
carrien (she laughs at the days)´s last blog ..My kid’s dentist wants to know this. Maybe you do too.
I tried to post this a couple of days ago and my connection was so bad I just gave up. Sooo….
I totally can relate to wondering if the rest of the world even really exists. You know it does–you’ve been there–but it feels so disconnected from reality. You read an ancient Newsweek article about birthday parties for American dogs and you raise your eyes and think, “How can this be the same planet?” But it is.
I, also, add things already done to lists so I can cross them off. Feeling overwhelmed is especially normal when our kids are young–not that I don’t still get that feeling sometimes with 2 near-teens and one fully-fledged one, but it’s more rare. Add cross-cultural stress to the mix and voila! One mother who needs a break sometimes. Like others have said, keep writing about it. I promise you no one is thinking, “Gosh that Rae chick whines a lot!” Honest. (And as I write this, I wonder if it might be true for me too. Cuz I feel I don’t have the right to whine since Rabat is such an easier place to live than Nouakchott was.)
edj´s last blog ..Hammam Days
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