Day Twenty-one: Back to our regularly scheduled program
Last night we had a talking circle, to come to consensus about a decision that needed to be made in the community. There weren’t too many of us, just Cate, Chinua, me, Johanna, and Renee. Everyone who is here so far.
For those who aren’t familiar with Rainbow Gatherings and rainbow culture, in a talking circle you pass a talking stick around and the only person speaking is the person with the stick. If you have nothing to say, you can pass the stick to the next person. When you are trying to come to consensus, you pass the stick until there is silence and then you make your decisions, taking as much time as possible for everyone to come to the same conclusion, hence; consensus. It is very different from voting.
We have been working more with consensus for the last year and a half; previously our community had very different ways of making decisions.
I love the talking circle and the talking stick.
For a big time interrupter like me, the kind of girl who gets all upset and empassioned by my opinions, who gets threatened by other people’s opinions, the talking stick is a barrier of love.
In love, I will listen and not interrupt. I will love my neighbor by hearing her, and as I am forced to listen until she gives up the stick, I love her and love her and eventually I come past hearing my own responses in my head and into hearing the very real words that are coming out of her mouth.
I hear my neighbor.
Last night we passed the stick around the circle three times and then we had consensus. It was lovely. It helps to pray first, I think, to ask the Spirit of God to help bring agreement, although we forgot last night and prayed afterward instead. The prayer still stuck.
I love the circle. Everyone can say something, no matter how old or young they are, no matter how new or seasoned they are.
Our stick is from the Sinai and has a wreath of blue leaves painted on it by our lovely friend Cat. Cat was fortunate enough to have a lice day with us, but I like to think it wasn’t our only lasting memory for her. (I know it wasn’t, I’m just kidding.)
Anyways, thanks Chinua for your wacky guest posts. You are wonderfully ridiculous and I forgive you for splicing yourself into photos in a way that makes me shudder. I will now try to forget.
I’ve been tripping through my days talking to carpenters and plumbers, painters and landlords, and one Russian lady who I can’t seem to convince that I don’t have a babysitting service. Yesterday I really thought we were clear on it, because I had someone translate for me, but then today she dropped her son off while I was away and Chinua was home. It is baffling. Chinua talked to her again when she came back (he was unclear when she came about the fact that she was leaving) and told her that she cannot drop him off, and that she needs to call before coming. We often have people drop in, but there seem to be boundary issues in this case.
11 comments
If that wacky lady leaves her kid with you again, hide him in the back room when she comes to pick him up and say “baby? what baby?” That’ll learn her!
Wow. The nerve of this woman.
The talking circle sounds like a method we should all use.
I like the talking circle idea. God bless you today Rachel!
I think more people/groups should employ the talking stick/circle
I love the talking stick! When I was co-campus ministries director at my college, the other leader and I ran discussions with a purple plastic spoon (same concept). We needed something to calm down all the leaderly A-type personalities in the room! And the purple plastic spoon ended up creating space for so much more grace… it was wonderful.
You could tell the woman “Ya n’yeh dyet’skee sah’d.” (I am not a preschool!)
I love the talking stick idea, especially for people like me who finds themselves in a group of people often where one or more monopolize the conversation and even if you feel you have something to contribute you cannot speak. It would be good for me because then I tend to yell loudly to say something (and I am embarassed afterwards). Good idea. I think some of our small groups could use a talking stick.
The idea of a woman dropping her child off is really funny. She probably saw the number of children you had and just assumed that you had a day care centre. Too funny!!!
Lots of love,
I certainly have many, many more fond memories. Lice day will always be dear to my heart though. It was my first time having it, a bit of a novelty I suppose.
I love you guys. I’m glad I am remembered through my little painting!
I say charge the russian woman a lot of money, a lot I say, and she will go find a new center! LOL. So weird. Loved the wacky posts/photos, but am glad to hear your voice again.
maybe the russian lady is overwhelmed and needs to sit down for a talking circle and pray
I need the circle and talking stick in my life because of ME! One of the things I am constantly working on and normally failing at is to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. I get them backwards alot.
Oh yes, maybe I should use the talking stick! I am also passionate about my dear little opinions and tend to interrupt alot and not listen! I have been working hard on that b/c it doesn’t work very well in marriage. I want to hear people instead of being so quick in my mind to have a comeback or an answer or opinion. Oh and about the Russian, that is pretty crazy! How long does she stay gone? I like the idea about hiding the baby!
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