Where have I been for nine months?
I think I forgot, somewhere along the line, that I am pregnant.
Or maybe I forgot that pregnancy ends with birth.
Doesn’t that hurt? Right? I’m scared.
And then after you don’t get to sleep a lot, right?
And there’s milk, I remember the milk. Lots of milk.
Oh yes, and the newborn cheeks and the sweet smelling breath and the kissable forehead.
And there are those little grunting scritching noises.
And the lack of heartburn.
And the curled up bug on your chest.
I guess I can do this birth thing again
12 comments
“The curled up bug on your chest”. I love that line. You have a real gift with words.
I’m right with ya, girl. Due any time. I’ll be thinking of you…good luck!
Rae,
You don’t know me from anyone, but I have been a web lurker for a long time (ooo… that sounded creepy — sorry) and wanted to at least shoot you an email before you have this baby and find absolutely no time to blog.
Your blog is wonderful. Your life, an inspiration. I look forward everyday to checking to see if you added anything… and sometimes more than once a day. Okay, okay, always more than once a day — but I am not admitting that, right?
Reading your posts make me think back to my days of living in a converted van with the top half of a pop-up VW welded on top (yes, three stories… it was beautiful). Looking at your life makes me think back lovingly to my husband’s dreads, our clothes pain-stakenly made by our own hands and our airy, free life. I laugh at the thoughts of all of those crazy years and snicker at the thoughts of some of our adventures.
What is even more exciting is knowing that you all are still living that life with your children. We grow up, we start being a bit too serious, we change… and sometimes we lose sight as to who we are. It is refreshing to see that it doesn’t always have to happen once a family begins to grow. Although — I must say that I LOVE having running water. I LOVE having a bathroom. I LOVE having a ‘real’ kitchen. I LOVE not having to wake up and move the whole house just because the cops tell me that I ‘can’t park here.’
Take care and have a wonderful birth. I can’t wait to hear all about it! I just had my second child VBAC after moving to the ‘big city’ for a month — our little town won’t perform VBACs — and over 24 hours of full labor. I was the most beautiful experience of my life.
Remember the joy afterwards – that’s important for sure! Can hardly wait!! Though I know what you mean – I always changed my mind at the end, only there was no turning back!
You’re in my thoughts and prayers!
I know you can do it and it will be so worth it.
Your body was designed for birth, it is made to do it. The pain is there, the surges are strong, but it is a “clean pain” as I read in one of my many birthing books. Not like something broken, but something giving life.
Your body will do it. Then you will hold your sweet babe. Blessings!
I have sent you a few messages over time and I had to contact you about this
I had my 3rd child 4 1/2 months ago. It totally sucked and rocked at the same time. Pain, not so much of a problem….my husband touching me in labor = want to kill 
Now I love me some hugs and kisses but when I’m in labor I have a no touchie rule. I am having contractions and am working here thank you very much. The human mind is made to forget the pain of labor and I am already having it fade from my mind. It really wasn’t bad at all and I have my little man sleeping in his swing right now. I am in awe of you and your courage. I honselty can’t say that I have ever desired to live in India or give birth there. BUT I enjoy reading about you and your family when I get on this little box 
I hope that your birth is everything that you desire adn let us know as soon as possible when you deliver your squirmy worm. My sisters link to your page is getting its work out as we ( Danielle, My Mom and I ) check it to see if you have given birth yet. When Mom calls my house she3 asks if I havbe checked your page and did you have that baby yet?!?! LOL! Anyway, just do what you feel your body wants you to do and you’ll be just great!
you are a warrior goddess, ride the wave, it will be painful you know that, i tried denying myself that thought and went into total shock, but ya know what you’re in for so be honest with yourself, sleep who needs it?
but embrace the light and know that it ends, and you are so strong, look how many beaming lights you have supporting you, your singing will totally pull ya through it, and i hear that with each kid labour gets a bit easier, maybe the baby will fly out? well i hope not, but you have wings so fly high and ride that wave with god’s love,
i sang this song to myself and baby when labouring, it really helped:
you are opening, we are opening, we are opening up to the sweet surender of the luminating love and light of the one, we are rising up, we are rising up, we are rising up like the pheonix from the fire, brothers and sisters spread your wings and fly higher, we are rising up to this irie vibration, praying together in a sacred meditation, you are opening you are opening, opening up to the sweet surrender,
and you know what it really worked, and like you shared in your last story singing helped you, god is dancing on your tongue and in your heart when you praise that light…
blessed be sister rae, you inspire thee
oh and that baby will steel your heart within seceonds and all that pain will disapear!
You’ve had a few other things on your mind besides birth in the past few months!
A little bump on your chest, drunk on Mama’s milk and sleeping in sublime comtentment, sighing sweet baby sighs, smelling indescribably wonderful, facial expressions changing by the second, each more fascinating or amusing than the last…
That just may be as close to heaven on earth as life comes.
Everything else is worth the incredible privilege of being that little bump’s Mommy.
My doula mentor always used to say, “There are only three things you truly need to know about birth: It’s hard, it hurts, and you can do it.” You can do it. And, as you do, you’re in the very palm of God’s hand. Let go, open to it, and let it come, washing through you, as you powerfully participate in the miracle of bringing forth life.
God bless you in your birth =)
curled up bug- delicious! My newest curled up bug id almost 5 months old and I am always flabbergasted (now that is a word that is very underused) at how quickly the floppy little snuggler becomes a strong little giggler.
(or only endurance event, come to think of it. Even though this last one ended in an emergency caesar and I cant give birth naturally ever again. But enough about me…..)
And labour is the best endurance event we will ever do
Enjoy!
i have been keeping up with you – you are so freaking gorgeous, woman!
yeah, it does hurt. i know, but i am a bad liar.
but oh what joys the little fish will bring you. can’t wait to see her.
(did i just say that?)
i have been thinking of you and your bug. it goes so quickly, so very quickly. hope the water comes back soon and that all goes well.
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